Sir Cletus Maximus

The Art of Being Me

2010-10-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

When I was a pup, I moved from the country to the big city and life really changed for me. Not only did I get to live inside (there is a Dog!), but I also found myself with a lot of time on my paws. Plus, the neighborhood dogs were a bit intimidating when we met up at the park. They spent most of the time barking things like "When I graduated from agility school" or "I can't this weekend, I have a therapy dog shift."

Braggarts.

Sure, I could do those ordinary jobs, but I've discovered I'm more of a free spirit when it comes to my education. Thankfully, my people support my eclectic interests and my home is filled with a variety of books. When my people leave during the day, I become my own home school teacher. I always get the top marks in my class. In fact, marking is one of my best subjects.

Another of my favorite subjects is Art. My summer project was to take my people to art fairs and search for just the right painting to hang in our home. I really connected with one artist who shares my vision for the world. Here is the family portrait she painted of us. I think it is a very accurate depiction of my life. The finished product is now on exhibit daily and has received much critical acclaim.

It's a real piece of work, just like me.

The Secret under the Stairs

2010-09-06T18:18:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I knew my people - it turns out that they have been holding out on me. Sure, I've seen them disappear down the stairs and then come back up. I just thought they possessed magical abilities. I mean, they can make the big boxes on wheels move - they probably can do just about anything. Right?

Wrong. I have been betrayed. All this time, I thought I wasn't allowed to come down the stairs with them because I haven't learned how to disappear. But, no! For some reason they just did not want me to know that there was a secret room that exists below our house. Hmph.

This is what my life has come to. I am being treated like a common criminal, as you can see. Canine discrimination! I'm calling PETA! The Humane Society! Oprah! If I only could use a phone!

The truth came out last week. My people started hustling up and down the stairs and moving stuff around, which was very unusual. Finally, after much begging and pleading, I was finally allowed into the secret room club.

Now, let me tell you one thing, that secret room was not Disneyland. Or Narnia. Think of Harry Potter's cupboard under the stairs, but less upscale and spacious and you'd be pretty close.

Plus, the secret room was filled with water.

Don't get me wrong, I have a healthy appreciation for water. It's almost a part of who I am. But, I would rather keep the pools outside the house, if you get my drift. So, when I went down into the not-so-secret room, I discovered that somehow my people had created a pool where no pool should ever be.

But, as usual, it was a good thing I was on hand to help take care of the situation. Stacy often needs some assistance with projects like this and I am just the handy helper that the emergency called for.

The pool has since been cleaned up and I am allowed down in the secret room more often. However, I must admit, it's not a lot of fun down there. Maybe they should have kept that secret, if you know what I mean. I think I'll stay upstairs from now on - unless they need me to help out again. Which, knowing them, is a pretty likely scenario.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2010-08-31T19:09:00.000-07:00

Yo, dogs! I had one of the best summers ever! First, I went on a long car ride and visited my first family for a long weekend. There was no room at the inn, so my people and I stayed in a great big house with lots of rooms! Our rooms were big enough that Grandma stayed with us, too. Which was good, since she needed me to be her alarm clock. Well, not that she actually asked me to, but she seemed appreciative when I woke her up in the mornings.

As great as this place was, there was something very strange there. Sometimes, we would go into a creepy little room and watch as the doors close behind us. Then, the room MOVED! When the doors opened up again - we were somewhere different than when the doors closed!

It was not natural.

After that, I politely declined any invitations to go into the room of horror!

Other than that - it was a great trip! I loved spending time with my first family and with my cute little half-brothers! Those boys were lots of fun and I could tell they could use my positive influence. They also enjoyed all my tales of life in the big city. I even showed them how to swim in the pond. Several times, in fact as they needed a lot of instruction and I was happy to oblige. Hey, what are big brothers for?

Everyone had a great time, but I was happy when we packed up to return back to the city. It is always nice to come home, especially when there are great places for me to exercise the folks on the way!

I Could Be a Star

2009-11-14T16:15:00.000-08:00

I was hanging out with my people today, and suddenly we all saw something unbelieveable on the TV. Two new movies are coming out soon and both star dogs that look exactly like ME! First Marley, and now this! Here are the two movies: The Dog Who Saved Christmas and The Dog Named Christmas. The picture on the right is from The Dog Named Christmas.

I really need to start looking for an agent. If those dogs can make it big, surely I can, too! I've got the looks. I've got the attitude. I've got two people at my beck and call to take care of the details.

Watch out world, here I come! Here's a little inspiration for any screenplay writers out there looking for a a new star. If this picture doesn't say Christmas, I don't know what does.

Swim of a Clete

2009-09-10T19:39:00.000-07:00

This weekend we did one of my favorite activities - we went swimming! I love the water. It's like I was born to swim! We went to the Independence Grove People Exercise Area and it really works to wear my people out so they are more relaxed for the rest of the day. Well, I could tell you more but I hear that a picture is worth 1000 words...so I figure a video would tell you the whole story!

Play With Mii!

2009-07-26T19:46:00.001-07:00

You won't believe this. Just now, I was taking a well-deserved nap (these people need a lot of attention on the weekends) and when I woke up I saw something very disturbing. Something that I can hardly describe.

I opened my eyes to find my people playing a game on the big TV, which isn't unusual. What was unusual was the fact that the game they were playing was Frisbee Fetch! With a fake dog!

The betrayal.

I would blog more, but I'm off to find a game where I can pretend I have different owners. Hmph.

Snacks, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

2009-06-22T17:17:00.000-07:00

I had the best weekend, ever! We made the most of the longest day of the year. I finally got my visit to Bentley's Corner Barkery and the nice people there even gave me some delicious frozen yogurt. I love summer!!

There has been a new development in my life, however. Over the last few weeks, something strange has been happening to me. I'm living my usual happy-go-lucky life, when all of the sudden I get the shakes and then I black out! After I wake up, my people look worried (although they try to hide it) and it takes awhile before I'm feeling up for my next round of fetch. 15-20 minutes at least, I'd say. An eternity!

I figured it was bad doggie dreams or something until the morning Stacy and Ryann forgot to feed me. I couldn't believe it! I begged. I pleaded. Nothing. I've never seen them this strict!

I thought things were looking up when they asked me if I wanted to go for a car ride. You can imagine my disappointment when we got out of the car at the White Coat Hotel. Last time I checked in here, I got new knees. This did not look good.

We went inside and soon we had a room to ourselves while we waited for the White Coats. When they arrived, they gave me lots of attention and ran me through a bunch of tests. It's hard to tell if I passed or not, but at least I didn't have to spend the night at the White Coat Hotel. That is not my type of vacation, if you know what I mean.

So, I get a little extra something at dinnertime now. I have no idea what it is, but it tastes like chicken. On my meager diet, I'll take what I can get.

This new food hasn't slowed me down any. Just last night I decided to strut my musical talent while Stacy was practicing his drums. We're not too bad, although a few more lessons wouldn't hurt Stacy any. We're quite the musical family! (I still think I should get to be in parade, too. Hmph. Maybe next year.)

Timing Is Everything

2009-06-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Even though it may seem like I lead a pretty busy life, in reality my schedule stays pretty open. The sun comes up, I go for a walk, eat breakfast, and then take a nap. Later in the afternoon, I go for a walk, eat dinner, and then sleep some more. Needless to say, I could use some excitement and right now my humans are holding me back.

First, they thought I wouldn't notice that I was invited, via email, to be in a local 4th of July parade with Critter Nannies! So rude for them to not tell me since the Critter Nannies people are my friends. They never come visit Stacy and Ryann - they come visit me! We walk, we talk. It's nice.

But, did they bother to even tell me about my own invitation be in a parade? Noooo. So, what choice did I have but to read through the rest of their email and it seems like they are already in another parade! Urgh. That would explain the reappearance of the shiny instruments. Terrific. 5 more of my 15 minutes of fame down the drain.

Then, was it too much to ask for some fun on a beautiful Sunday afternoon? All day long they kept saying we would do something fun after we got our work done. I don't know about them, but my work was done before noon. I slobbered my people with love, I chewed up some toys, the usual stuff.

So, hours and hours later, we finally got in the car to go to one of my favorite places: Bentley's Corner Barkery! I spent the entire car ride deciding which treat I would choose from the display case and then, when we finally arrived, disaster struck.

They were closed.

Thanks a lot, people! You just couldn't wait to clean the kitchen until tonight, could you? Come, on!

I seriously need to learn how to tell time.

The Graduate

2009-05-31T20:16:00.000-07:00

During the last few weeks, I have been studying hard to pass my first class at the Family Dog Center. School there is loads of fun. I see lots of other dogs and people and everyone seems to like me, even if Stacy and Ryann think I am a bit too talkative in class.

Nevertheless, I graduated! Here's Stacy and I right after I received my diploma. I'm thrilled with my scholarly accomplishments, but I am not sure why Stacy looks so surprised. I always get a lot of attention in class. Probably because I'm never shy about sharing my wisdom with the young pups in my class. Don't hide your light under a bushel, I say.

But what next? In this economy, finding employment as a new grad will be tough. I may have to do a lot of searching to find just the right job for me.

Still - I think I have options. I could be a....

Synchronized Swimmer

Landscape Architect
(I am really good at lawn mowing and fertilizing.)

Home Furnishings Quality Control Officer
(I have a natural aptitude for this.)

And those are just a few of my choices! Good thing I have some time before I need to make a decision. I heard that Grandpa Murphy used to say, "Stay in school as long as you can because you'll have the rest of your life to work." Sounds like a good plan. Besides - I'm happy with my current role in our household:

Man's Best Friend

Park It, Doggie

2009-05-25T14:39:00.000-07:00

Stacy and Ryann are stressed out. I've been noticing the signs for sometime now. I have had more time on my paws than usual and when they are home they are seldom very far from their computers.

Enough already! They needed to do some serious de-stressing so I convinced them that we needed to take an outing to somewhere new. Sure, we go shopping. We go to the coffee shop. We've even been to the forest preserve, but there I need to stick close to them so they don't get lost.

So, I finally convinced them to go to a park just for stressed out canine caretakers! Let me just say, I think it did them some good. Here's why:

1. They can walk wherever they want, even without me minding them.

2. They can save money because I love to find abandoned tennis balls all throughout the park!

3. They don't need to worry about me getting too hot, because I can take a dip while they relax along the water.

All in all, we had a wonderful time this weekend visiting two different local dog parks! We all are more relaxed now, even me.

Clete 101

2009-05-08T19:29:00.001-07:00

Let's face it, I'm no dog of mystery. I love fetch, food and sleep. Which is why I was surprised when my good friend Rose invited me to her house for a sleepover and Stacy and Ryann thought she would need need an advanced degree in Canine Caretaking to spend the weekend with little ole me.

First, they packed up nearly all of my belongings: crate, bed, food, toys, treats, food dish, fancy papers, vet phone number more food, etc. For a quick second, I thought maybe I was moving out!

Next, they created a list of the words and what they think they mean. Boy are they confused. I picked a few of my favorite examples.

What They Say / What I Hear

NO. / You can never have fun.

Sit. / Put your butt on the ground and you'll get food.

Leave it! / Don't eat that!

Come / I'm lonely, Clete. Come play with me!

Be right back! / Enjoy the couch.

Go Potty! / Explore the yard.

That was how my weekend began! Even with this misinformation, Rose was a wonderful hostess! It is clear she loves fetch as much as I do because she couldn't play it enough. A few times I even acted like I was tired to see if she would stop.

She spent a lot of time working in her garden when I was visiting, and I helped, too! She had a lot of water puddles everywhere in her yard and I ran through them over and over to get the water mixed in real good with the dirt around it.

She even made me get up really early to go out and play more fetch the next day, but I put my paw down. No fetch before 6:00 a.m., maam. (Sometimes you have to show tough love.)

Later on, I indulged her love of fetch for a few more hours and continued mixing up the garden until Stacy and Ryann came to get me. They seemed really happy to see me. But not happy enough to let me sit in the front seat of the car, apparantly. Honestly, what's a dog have to do to get some love?

I really enjoyed me weekend at Rosie's. Hopefully I'll get a chance to go visit again sometime. Her big backyard needs a dog like me to tend to it properly!

Sunday Walk in the Woods

2009-03-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

I love comfy-shoe days! These are days when Ryann does not put on pointy-shoes and stays home with me and Stacy. Usually, comfy-shoe days also mean that Stacy does not have to stare at the electric box all day! Yes!

We almost always get to do something special on comfy-shoe days. Yesterday was a comfy-shoe day and all three of us went for a hike! I love hikes - I get to smell and see all sorts of new things! There are, however, a few tips that I would like to pass on in to my canine friends.

1. Always hike with a buddy-preferably a non-grumpy type like Stacy!

2. Always look both ways before crossing the road.

3. Sometimes you need to point out cool stuff to your humans. Their noses are inferior to our own advanced olfactory sensory systems.

4. Be courteous and share the road with less fortunate beings that have no legs and rely on feeble wheels. Don't feel bad for them, however, as those guys can really move.

5. Have fun! It is important to take time to connect with your human and with nature!

Life on the Inside

2009-03-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

Have you been wondering where I've been? Things are busy in our house and I've been working just as hard as the humans. The weather finally warmed up again for about two hours and then it got subarctic again. Enough already! Dogs and humans need outside time! I am so tired of it!

While we are inside all I get to do is work, work, work. Here's me - Stacy's right hand dog:

Where would he be without me? Lonely and unproductive, I'm sure. He can pay me in treats and outside fetch sessions...if it ever warms up again that is...

Maintaining My Figure

2009-02-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

Finally, finally, finally - Spring is on the way! Sure, we got another four inches of snow yesterday, but I heard birds! We are taking walks again! Ryann stopped wearing a fuzzy hat indoors! My favorite walk of all time was a few days ago when we took a nice, long walk to a new place that had human drinks (hmph). The snow had melted away leaving nice big mud puddles, just for me! While Ryann wanted me to stay away from them, I knew Stacy wanted to play in the mud so I took him through the puddles anyway. It was the most fun-I looked almost exactly like a black Lab when we were done!All this exercise means that I can have special treats every now and then - even doughnuts! Ok, so this isn't a real doughnut but it was a real nice treat. Thanks, Auntie Beth! :-)

Brrr-I'm So Bored!

2009-01-17T05:44:00.000-08:00

These brutal subzero temperatures are ridiculous! Even being the tough guy I am - it is too cold to stay outside for too long! Of course, even if I wanted to stay outside, my poor people are pretty thin-skinned and they just can't take it.

So I've been stuck inside for what seems like an eternity!!! The walls are closing in! Stacy and Ryann feel bad for me, I know. We all miss the neighborhood patrols. I can tell because while I look longingly outside, they look longingly at cookie and cake recipes. Let's just say there has been a lot of whining from everyone in our house.

Still, they are doing what they can. They have been keeping me well-stocked with new toys to keep me busy and we've been playing a lot of hide-and-seek. We are all looking forward to the warm-up today-it's supposed to get up to 20 degrees! We're so excited!

Of course, it is snowing again, but I don't mind that at all. I'll take what I can get!

What I Did During My Holiday Vacation

2009-01-06T05:00:00.000-08:00

It was the day after Christmas, and all through the house Stacy and Ryann were packing up stuff they had decorated and put under the shiny indoor tree (odd thing, that) and cramming it into our car. I didn't think there would be any room left for me and I figured I was destined for a return visit to "Camp" but, to my supreme surprise, they left room in the car for me, too!

I had the best trip ever! First stop: Minnesota. Not only did I get to run free out in the country, but I got treats, too! Some were given to me by human family members (biscuits, a stocking, sugar cookies, snack mix) and some I just helped myself to...including crackers left out on a buffet table just for me. What hospitality. I also found a dead pigeon which I thought was very cool...but no one let me keep it. I guess you can't have your bird and eat it, too.

Next stop: South Dakota - a return to my homeland! The accommodations here were amazing. Again, we stayed in the country and I was allowed to go inside AND up and down the stairs! I'm not used to stairs but I am a fast, fast, fast learner. The food here was great, too: pineapple, more sugar cookies, snap peas, and more. Yum, yum.

The best part about this place - the dogs! My mom and brother stayed here, too! We got to play together and we even took a road trip so I could run and flush out pheasants! Okay, so maybe I didn't really flush out the birds...but I heard all about how to do it from my brother, Smoot and his friend. Here's a family picture. That's me on the far right, my mom (Max) in the middle and my bro Smoot on the left. Aren't we a good looking family?

Final stop: Grandma's House! It goes without saying that I always have fun at Grandma's house. More gifts for me and I gave her something, too. I do have manners, you know.

Then, the party started! Two of my favorite cousins came over for a sleepover and we played video games. It was the most fun. My food discovery here? Blue Jello. Next time I'll pass. I don't know if Ryann was feeling well this trip - she hardly ever stopped me from eating new foods (except for the dead pigeon)! 'Tis the season, I suppose!

My Christmas

2009-01-05T20:16:00.000-08:00

Here's a brief video of my wonderful Christmas celebration. Finally, after watching Stacy and Ryann hide stuff in boxes with layers and layers of paper for other loved ones - something for me! I think they read my gift suggestions.

Good humans.

They were so good, in fact, that I suffered through the indignity of wearing (too small) fake antlers. Good grief.

Marley Is Not ME!

2008-12-24T06:28:00.001-08:00

If you haven't already seen it - there is a new movie out called "Marley and Me." I haven't seen it yet, but if there ever was a movie perfect for a dog friendly showing - this would be it.

But, I've had it. Everywhere we go-"There's Marley! Hey, look it's Marley!" Do I look like a trouble maker like Marley? Ok, I admit there is a slight resemblance. However, there are some significant differences.

First of all, I do not eat jewelry. Second, I do not eat couches. Third, I did not get kicked out of obedience school-I took a medical leave. Finally, and most importantly, I have not gone to the great dog run in the sky! I do admit, however, that if Stacy and Ryann took me to eat at the outdoor cafe, I probably would pull that "drag the table down the street" stunt.

Here's what I want to know: is this really the message we want to send young lab pups? The way to fame and fortune is misbehavior? I should think not.

So, I've decided to pen my own novel and screenplay in response: "Cletus and Us: The Story of the World's BEST Dog."

Pet Holiday Gift Guide

2008-12-16T19:08:00.000-08:00

During the busy holiday season, I feel it is my duty as a dog blogger to remind all humans of one important thing: Don't forget your pet on Christmas!

Here is my list of suggested gifts for your favorite canine companion:

1. Anything from JW Pet! I love these toys. Some of them are fun to retrieve (what isn't, really) and some of them are fun to play with on my own in the house - even after the squeaker is gone! I love all of them and my favorites are the Bowling Pin and the Fish!

2. Anything I can retrieve! Frisbees and balls that glow in the dark are tops on the list. My need to fetch knows no season or schedule and needs no daylight! Some favorites are from REI and L.L. Bean.

3. Nylabones! Sometimes I just want to sit on my pillow (or lean on Stacy) and gnaw on a bone. I might even keep one nearby when I sleep in case I wake up and need to crunch.

4. Stuffed animals! I love to pull all the stuffing and squeakers out. My favorites are the Milkbone animals from Walgreens (not shown below). Not only are they cheap - they last forever because I recycle the feet and use them as balls!

Finally, some of the best toys are ones I find on walks. You won't believe the great stuff people and dogs leave behind. Tennis balls, baseballs, all for me!

Road Trips and Family Reunions

2008-12-01T17:33:00.000-08:00

It's been over a year since I came to live with at my new house with Stacy and Ryann. I can hardly believe it. I have often wondered if I would ever see my birth family again - and this weekend I did!

It all started with an early morning car ride - that seemed to take FOREVER! We stopped a few times along the way and I was able to explore some great new places. Finally - we got to our destination - Grandma's house!!! I love Grandma! She always gives me new toys, feeds me yummy treats and she even stands up for me when I get in trouble! Now, that's something to be really thankful for!

Then, just as I was basking in the glow of my Grandma's love, and my human-biological parents walked right in! One sniff and I knew who they were. I ran around and around, showing them how great my new legs work. Later on, we went outside and I showed them how much my Frisbee fetching skills have improved!

My human-biological parents seem to be doing OK without me. I played with them as much as I could since I am sure they missed playing with me. I could tell my human-biological dad was related to The Enforcer because he kept giving me commands - but I couldn't understand what he wanted me to do! It's too bad that I didn't have more time with him to teach him a few things.

All in all - I had a great Thanksgiving! Seeing my biological human parents was nice - but my favorite part of the weekend was coming back home to our house.

Who Is That Doggie in the Window

2008-11-16T21:10:00.001-08:00

Being an only dog is a lonely life. I love my people - but my toys cost money, I know that. I also know it takes a lot of food to fuel my fetching fanaticism, so I understand that my people need to go to work to keep me supplied.
So, I look on the bright side. Having them gone gives me time to reflect on the past and ponder my purpose in life. When that's done, however, I could really use a friend to help me pass the rest of the time.

Don't get me wrong, Pinny is great! I've found, lately, that our conversations are mostly one-sided. I'd like to find someone a little more talkative. It's not like I haven't tried, either. Whenever anyone walks by, I invite them in. I don't think they hear me, so I invite louder and louder. I guess our windows must be really thick because no one ever accepts my invitations.

Then, one day, out of nowhere appeared my future BFF! He showed up right outside the window. I'm confident enough in my remaining masculinity to say that he is one handsome chap. But, I am concerned that he doesn't get enough to eat. I can practically see right through him!

He seems to be somewhat of a loner, too. Whenever I leap forward to initiate play, he usually disappears! Almost right before my very eyes!

I asked him to teach me the trick, but I guess he's shy because he doesn't talk much. In fact, he is kind of a tease...the way he keeps looking at me through the window like he wants to be my friend - but then disappears again without a word!

The nerve. Oh, well. I still think he's a good looking dog, anyway.

Working Like a Dog

2008-11-11T17:41:00.000-08:00

Recently, I been making some new friends while spending a few weekends at camp. Unfortunately, now I wonder if my new friends are actually frienemies. They told me all about some of the fun things I should try around the house. Sitting on a people chair, helping myself to food from the counter, etc. They said my people wouldn't mind.

They were wrong.

Now, I've been sentenced to hard labor for my indiscretions. My people made me clean up all the leaves on the entire front yard! At first, the job was a bit overwhelming and I thought maybe we should just leave the leaves on the ground like nature intended.

Then I got into a rhythm. Check it out.

Soon, Stacy felt sorry for me and offered to help.

After a few dozen bags, Stacy needed a break. I was happy to oblige. I'm selfless that way.

Finally, I was finished. It was a hard day's work. I learned an important lesson. Really, I did.

Next time, I won't get caught.

Bark the Vote

2008-11-04T05:51:00.000-08:00

My fellow Canine-Americans, today is a day like no other in history. Don't let this monumental day pass by without letting your bark be heard!

I take my canine duties seriously and this morning I made my choice, as you can see in the video below.

At first it appears that I voted for the Republicans. However, my strategy was this: destroy the opponent. So I did.

Here is my vote (which may or may not reflect the vote of my humans).

My bark is my own.

Did you make your bark be heard?

They Call Me Mellow Yellow

2008-10-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

People are always asking me - how do you stay so calm in this crazy, mixed-up world? With the economy taking a dive (along with my precious 401D) it is important to stay calm and relaxed.

How do I do it?

Doga.

Allow me to demonstrate with a few of my favorite poses. Do not try these at home without a trained professional to assist you. As you will see, sometimes a partner or doga hammock are necessary to achieve the full relaxing affects of each pose.

CSI Crime Scene Corpse Dog

Pancake Dog

Circle Dog

Running Dog

Sitting Boy

Chicken Stretch

Of course, I can do the Downward Dog - but it's too predictable for this blog.

The Bagels Are Back

2008-10-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

Some of you regular readers may remember that a few months ago I had the ultimate Breakfast of Champions. It was an awesome day, one that would live on in infamy...

Until yesterday. Yesterday, we resumed patrols (finally I received my official "release" from kennel cough/Ebola induced house arrest) when to what should our wondering eyes appear - but a yard full of bagels! (Note the pumpkin in the picture for date authenticity!)

Again! Who would believe it? Not Ryann and Stacy, it seems, because once again they didn't think it was "an appropriate choice for the most important meal of the day." It didn't matter, though, because I have my own network of squirrel spies throughout the neighborhood.

Yes, you read that right. Squirrel spies. We keep up a facade of dislike that serves us both when we need unexpected allies.

So, while we returned from patrol, I signaled to the network to initiate Operation Bagel Rescue. From my observation post at the front windows of the house, I kept an eye on the progress. As squirrel squadron 1 worked to move bagels closer to the drop-off point (my mouth), we were almost forced to abort the mission.

Unexpectedly, Ryann went outside to move a car and spooked a rookie member of the squirrel force, causing him to drop the bagel from the tree right on to the sidewalk in front of her! Taken aback, she retreated inside to get her camera, which gave the rookie time to redeem himself by recapturing the bagel and hiding it in a safe spot in the rendezvous point - the neighbor's yard.

When Stacy and I went on patrol later that day, I was able to implement the final phase of the mission. Before Stacy could mount a defense, I swallowed the bagel in one mighty bite.

Mission OBR accomplished.

Quarantine

2008-10-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

I've got the Ebola. I'm serious. E. Bo. La.

Okay, so maybe it's not Ebola. It might as well be. It all started last night when I cleared my throat to get my people's attention. It didn't work so I cleared it again and again. Soon, I was up every hour with a hacking cough! Aaack.

Really, it's not fun.

So Stacy and Ryann took me to see the White Coats. Ugh. This time we received special attention (finally, I say) and got a room right away. It might have had something to do with my Darth Vader impersonation that I began as soon as we entered the White Coat Building.

Then, in our private biolock suite, the White Coats gave us the bad news. I have become a victim of my own social life. So now, I'm in quarantine for two weeks.

No School.
No Walks.
No Fun.

What will become of me? How will I ever get a job with out my doggie school diploma?

Aaaackk. Aaaackk.

Like I said--Ebola.

Dog Spelled Backwards

2008-10-05T18:43:00.000-07:00

Did you know that Dog spelled backwards is God? I only recently learned this amazing fact, and I decided I better find out with this "God" is all about. So, I set off to find the right church for me to learn about God and found it after a long, exhaustive search. How did I know this was the perfect church for me? Well, I knew I wanted someplace that was welcoming to all who would enter. The church I found not only had an open-door policy...

But an open-fence policy as well! I had a wonderful time exploring the grounds around the church, and I even helped make them a little more holey. I also had a short counseling session with the Pastor. He thought I was an amazing student and seemed to really enjoy our discussion.

Another clue that this church was the one for me was the fact that it offered a blended worship service. Can you believe it? A service that blends the spiritual needs of both people and canines!

Now, that IS a miracle.

Teacher's Pet

2008-09-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first day of school! I could hardly sleep all weekend while I was at "camp" just thinking about it! I was hoping to get to go school shopping - but, as usual, my people left me at home while they went to get my new duds.While I would never tell them this, I was glad they did because then I was wearing the latest fashions and fit right in with my new classmates.

I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty sure I'm the teacher's pet. She kept saying my name and pointing to me and she even brought me to the center of the class to show me off. I loved being the center of attention so I made most of my time by showing her some other tricks I know, even ones she didn't ask for!

I have to admit, school is harder than I thought it would be. We work the whole time and, unless I missed something, we didn't get recess! How am I supposed to get to know my classmates? I'm not the oldest in the class - but I'm certainly the biggest. There is another dog there who could be my little brother. Sniff, sniff. Wouldn't that be nice? Someone drop the hint to my people, please!

Can't type more - I have homework to do. Wish me luck with the rest of the semester!

Belated Treats

2008-09-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

I love being two! Check out the yummy treat we went to get tonight from Bentley's Barkery. After Ryann and I went for a long walk (I was good - my doggie-sense told me something special was coming), we picked up Stacy and went over to our favorite barkery to get my birthday treat!

Doesn't it look delicious? I could hardly hold myself back from gobbling it down right away. I do have my manners, however, and I waited until Ryann could take a picture of me and my birthday doughnut.

I wanted to savor the experience, so I thought I would take my birthday doughnut to my special treat eating spot. However, luck was not with me and I dropped my treat - blue frosting side down!

Thank goodness Stacy and Ryann don't get mad very easily!

I can't wait until I'm three!

Happy Birthday to Me

2008-09-21T19:52:00.001-07:00

So, they say it's my birthday! Today I turned two years old. How did I celebrate this momentous occasion? Well, my wonderful people gave me a surprise sleepover at a Pet Resort! It was awesome. I played games with other dogs, stayed up all night and ate whatever I wanted.

But, as with all good things, my wonderful birthday had to come to an end. I can hardly move tonight thanks to all that birthday fun. Never fear, dear reader, Stacy and Ryann said we could celebrate more tomorrow when my sleepover tummy ache goes away. (Don't cry for me, Argentina, it was worth it).

Games People Play by a Grumpy Monday Dog

2008-09-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

I know what you think. You think I lead a pretty cushy life with my people. Well, think again. Stacy and Ryann are always playing mind games with me. While other dogs get to live the high life by having all the food, water, and love they want - I am being played like a second hand fiddle.

You don't believe me, do you? I didn't think you would - so I got some evidence to prove my case.

Here is a typical mealtime. I call this video "Will Work for Food." Come on, people! Can't you just put my kibble in a bowl like normal owners? No, of course not. You have to stick it inside this plastic thing and you make the dog, without thumbs, get his own food out. Thank you very much.

Now, here's me trying to get a drink of water. Don't these people know how important it is to stay hydrated?

This is the game that my people love to play the most. It's called - "Let's disappear and make the dog think he's abandoned." Seriously - they walk down these steps to some mysterious place that I am not allowed to go (of course) and then they disappear! It is very upsetting and I'm sure that some day they will not return.

It's hard being me.

A Dog Friendly World

2008-08-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's hard being me. There are some places in this great big world where adorable dogs just like me are not welcome. I know, I know, it's hard to believe. Here is but one example of this close-minded philosophy.

Or, even worse, dogs are discriminated against! Why do horses get such special privileges? They need someone to RIDE them. I can walk on my own, thank you very much.

Even in the face of such unwelcoming signs - I still have hope. There are a few places where dogs are not only allowed - they are welcome. Here's a play area in Nebraska that not only is just for dogs, it comes complete with a fire hydrant!

I thought this would be the best dog play area I would ever see, until Grandma took me on a special trip to a place I like to call DoggyWorld. It is the most amazing place ever. First of all, I like the fact that this place really knows who is boss.

For your information, "You" refers to humans not canines. Genius.

DoggyWorld was not very busy the day we went. There were a few other dogs there and I was involved in a brief Frisbee competition. It was brief because once I started the other dog gave up (even though it was her person throwing her Frisbee)! In case you missed the recap on PetCenter - here's a video clip. Look closely to watch me leave the others in the dust (literally!).

After all this fun, I was sure glad there was a dog water fountain installed at DoggyWorld. I hoping Stacy will build one for me someday since our house is the most dog friendly place I know (next to DoggyWorld, of course).

On the Road Again

2008-08-28T18:29:00.000-07:00

I love road trips - especially when I get to go, too! Last week, my people started putting all their favorite things into their traveling boxes and I watched with anxious anticipation to see if they would pack a bag for me - or if I would get another punch on the Alcatraz Frequent Visitor card. Then I heard the magic words - "Hop in, Clete. We're going to Grandma's house!"

I LOVE Grandma's house. Grandma always puts in special doors so I can stay in the house (instead of the garage like when I was a puppy) and she gets me toys that I always play with right away, being the polite dog that I am. For this visit, she went a step further by putting brand new carpet in - just for me! She picked out the most wonderful, thick carpeting just for her favorite grand-puppy because she knows how much I love a cushy spot to take a short dog-nap.

Usually, we spend a few days at Grandma's house - but this time we packed up to come home after only a couple of days, and Grandma and Aunt Wendy came with us! I wasn't sure what it would be like to travel with four humans, but thankfully I have a barrier to give me my own special place.

It turned out that the people were very well-behaved. They hardly whined at all and always hopped right back in when it was time to go. (Grandma could have shared her popcorn with me, although I won't hold that against her. I usually don't share mine, either.) Although my trip was short - I visited the most wonderful place in the world...stay tuned to find out more!

Troublesome Days

2008-08-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

I've had a rough few days. It all started early one day when some cute little girls came to play with me and when they left I realized Ryann was gone! I didn't worry too much at first since Stacy and I have so much fun when The Enforcer is gone.

However, this time, Stacy decided he needed to paint my fence. Why? It looks just fine! Frankly, it's a waste of a perfectly good fence if he is going to spend so much time painting it instead of playing fetch.

Then trouble hit - well, actually, it was me that hit the closed screen door. It really, really looked open! I didn't mean to run into it full speed and break it - I just thought Stacy was going to throw me something. A bone, a toy, anything! I was so bored!

That's when I really knew Ryann as gone. Stacy and I don't do well with punishment on our own. He said some things, I said some things. It wasn't pretty.

We eventually made up but we were both happy when Ryann returned. I wasn't sure where she had gone until she showed this picture to Stacy when they thought I was napping (I was just resting my eyes).

I think Ryann was shopping for another pet! Really, this house is not big enough for both me and a cow. So, if it is me or the cow - here's why I am the better choice:

1. Cows can't patrol the neighborhood - they'd stop and eat grass every 2 seconds.
2. Cows aren't house trained. Yuck.
3. Dogs are cute, especially the yellow Labrador types.
4. Cows would not fit into the car when we go on field trips.

5. Cows can't do tricks - they just chew their cud and moo. Borrrring.

and, finally,

6. Cows can't play fetch. Stacy really needs someone to play fetch with and I'm the dog for him.

Enough said. I think I'm safe.

READ On

2008-08-13T21:40:00.001-07:00

Reading is very important, boys and girls. Not that I need to, of course, since Ryann reads to me all the time. Sometimes we read the paper together in the mornings. Well, she reads it and then I lay down on the sections she's finished with.

She even brings me dog books from the library! I like to take them off to read by myself since they smell so good (like me, heh heh). I only read them for the articles, of course.

I'm told due to "this economy" our paper is now delivered to the end of our driveway instead of to our door. Everytime we come home from our morning patrol my people both strongly hint that I should retrieve the paper for them.

I don't think so. They could use the exercise.

Plus, I think I earn my keep around here. I'm always putting up with all the hugs and tummy rubs. It's hard work, I tell you. But, somebody's got to do it.

http://www.ala.org/ala/productsandpublications/READ_Mini_Posters.cfm

Shop Til You Drop

2008-08-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

Stuff. It's all over our house. Everytime Stacy and Ryann come home they bring more stuff. Sure, sometimes they bring me stuff, I admit it. But sometimes I think they buy stuff to replace the other stuff they can't find. Why do I think this? They are always asking ME to find stuff for them.

"Clete, where'd I put my keys?" What do I need with keys? I have no thumbs.

"Clete, have you seen my shoes?" Sure, blame it on the dog when you can't find your shoes. Nice.
But my favorite is when they ask me to find my own stuff. "Clete where's your bone? Where's it at? Go get it." Hey, Einsteins, yes, I do know where my bone is - dogs are known for their sense of smell, remember? Geesh. It's like they don't know me at all.

Sometimes, though, they do take me with them to go when they get their stuff. Just this weekend Stacy and I went to the place that smelled like Ryann's pointy shoe outfits. Lots of other people must take their stuff there, too, because lots of clothes hung everywhere. I was very good and waited for Stacy by the door, until my new friend Linda gave us a treat. Well, it turned out it wasn't a treat - just a piece of paper. Bleck. Not my kind of stuff.

Other places, though, make me wait outside. Well, at least I get to window shop.

Breakfast of a Champion

2008-08-04T18:51:00.001-07:00

Whew, it's good to be home. I spent the weekend at a doggie resort and spa. My adventure there was packed full of deep muscle massages, gourmet food, and private fetching sessions.

Or, at least that's what my people tell themselves when they drop me off at Alcatraz.

I think Ryann must have felt bad about leaving me behind because the morning they left, she arranged a very special breakfast surprise for me. We had just taken a long patrol (I should have seen the writing on the hydrant), when what before my wondering eyes should appear - but a yard full of bagels! In assorted flavors!

Ryann acted like she hadn't planned it and tried to convince me that I wouldn't like them. Too many carbs, she said. I could smell right through her act and showed her how much I loved her special surprise for me by stuffing two bagels into my mouth at once. It was awesome.

This week bagels, next week waffles. Wish me luck.

Veggie Tales

2008-07-31T15:16:00.000-07:00

I just never know what my people are up to and sometimes it is best not to worry about it too much. For instance, earlier this summer I noticed Ryann playing in the dirt quite a bit. While I thought it a bit odd, I myself, enjoy a good dig every now and then so I gaver her the benefit of the doubt.

Good thing I did, because now I see what she was doing. She was planting food for me! Now everytime we go outside and she walks along the fence she finds food for me. It's like the green version of a drive-thru restaurant! So far, I've very much enjoyed some crunchy green snacks as well as these little red balls that are not only fun to play with but they are very juicy when you eat them!

One of my favorite foods in the whole world is popcorn, but I never realized that I could eat it fresh. It is the best chew toy I've ever had! Ryann didn't grow this in our yard, but we brought some home when we visited one of her nice library friends. I can only hope that next year she will grow some in the yard for me...I could help weed, I promise!

Cletus on the Green

2008-07-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

Two amazing things happened the other night. First, my people and I had started our patrol when a car screamed to a stop near us. I gave a big sniff and I realized the guy hollering at us was one of the neighborhood guys that always says hello when we go by. He told us once that he used to have a dog, and I think that's why he likes to pet me.

On this day, however, he seemed even more excited than usual. Finally, I figured out what he was shouting about. Microchips! Microchips are little things that white coats give us to help us keep track of our people. They are not tiny potato chips, which was a great disappointment to me when I finally got mine. Anyway, this guy got lost two years ago and thanks to the microchip his dog had finally found him!

But that wasn't the end of my amazing day. Next, we jumped into the car and went to a great big park. Instead of playing, we watched a bunch of other people with shiny instruments just like Stacy and Ryann! We had lots of fun and I met lots of new people and even a few dogs. I even got to play fetch, when a little boy near us missed the ball thrown from his mom. I'm sure they didn't mind me retrieving the the ball for them. We had a great time!

Also, I don't mean to brag, but some people said I was the star of the show. I'm glad somebody has finally figured this out! There is one thing I really need to know - why do people keep calling me Marley????

Fun to Spare

2008-07-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

I am so glad this week is over. I've had a lot of fun; although it came at quite a price. I finally made it to my doggie play group, but I was so sore afterwards I couldn't move for two days! My people took good care of me and gave me lots of love.

Things must have seemed pretty bad because Ryann invited her friends over to help cheer me up. I knew right away they were her friends because they all brought the same book that she has been reading. They all sat around and talked - about me, of course.

One of them even brought a friend for Pinny! We've named him Pinny, Jr. and he is just as much fun as Pinny, Sr. The three of us have had a great time playing together while I waited to get my legs back after play group. Now, I'm almost as good as new and ready for the weekend!

Say Hello To My Little Friend

2008-07-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

I admit it, I'm lonely. After Grandma's visit last weekend, I had big hopes for fun this week with my new fence. My dreams were dashed early on when my people decided they apparently had better things to do than play with me. Sure, one of them would show up every few hours to go for a quick walk, play a short game of fetch, or throw some food around.

Do we have quality time together? I think not. No leisurely walks around the pond, no hide-and-seek. Nothing. We don't even talk anymore.

To add insult to injury, when Ryann came home late last night she had the nerve to give me a toy. Can you believe it? A toy! What was she thinking? Could the love and companionship I crave from my people really be replaced by a mere plastic toy?

Yes. Yes it can.

I now have the most wonderful friend in the world - Pinny.

At first, he had a lot to say while we played. After a few hours of wrestling, though, he got very quiet. I understood, since we were beyond the point of needing words to communicate.

My people became jealous when they realized that Pinny was now my BFF and they took him away when it was time for bed. It wasn't a big deal, since I snuck Pinny onto my pillow as soon as they were asleep. He hasn't left my side since. He knows that no matter where he is thrown, I'll always come get him.

Now, spending the day without my people won't be so bad. In fact, I'll even look forward to it being so quiet you can hear my Pinny drop.

This friendship is not sponsored by JW Pet Company - but easily could be in exchange for a lifetime supply of dog toy companionship.

Another Mystery Solved

2008-07-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

For months now, I've wondered what was in the "Closed Door Room." It's the only room in our house that I don't get to go into. So, when Stacy and Ryann started moving stuff in and out of this room I took a peak. It turns out this room has a great big bed! For a little while this got my hackles up. Why I am forced to share a bedroom AND sleep on the floor when there is a perfectly good, comfy bed going to waste behind the closed door?

It turns out, that rooms does belong to someone...my Grandma!

If you don't already have a grandma you should get one. My Grandma has very good manners. She always brings me a present and I, having good manners myself, always make sure to play with it right away. This time she brought me a toy with three rings on it. I'm good with toys; I already removed two of the rings! My Grandma also stands up for me. When we went to the Farmer's Market and I got in trouble for being a little rowdy, she told Ryann that the other dogs started it. Thanks, Grandma!

Grandmas love to play games with their pups. My Grandma never gets tired of playing fetch with me inside the house or out in the yard. Grandma told me that sometimes she needs to play games with Stacy and Ryann, too, so they don't guess that she likes me the best. She really likes it if I sit very close to her while she is playing cards with them. She says I'm her good luck charm.

She's probably right.

Clete Unleashed

2008-07-09T20:03:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, the world's most adorable yellow Labrador was born and I was named Cletus. I had a good life in rural South Dakota. I never wore a leash. I got to play with my brothers and sisters. I always got to lick the dirty dishes. Life was good.

I was learning how to be a crime fighter until one day when I my knees started to hurt. Don't get me wrong - I still loved to run and play; but my legs didn't feel quite like they should. So my owner took me to see a few different white coats and then I was traded to Stacy and Ryann.

My life was changed forever.

Goodbye amber waves of grain - hello suburban concrete prairies! I met my first, second, third, fourth and fifth leashes. I took walks. I ate only dog food (even though I keep my options open). I had my first bath that wasn't in a pond. Just as I was starting to get Stacy and Ryann trained -I visited some new white coats that fixed my legs. It took a long, long time but now I am healed! The head white coat finally said I could play fetch just as much as I wanted to, which, of course, is all the time!

However, it turns out that Stacy and Ryann aren't very good at fetch. They mostly stay in the yard; but every once in a while they meander over to the neighbor's house. They don't come back when I whine. I just can't trust them.

So I used my subliminal messaging skills to tell them that we needed a fence. Finally, they picked up on the message and today we got a fence! I checked it all over myself and now I know they won't wander off into another yard or, even worse, into the busy street in front of our house. Plus, I won't have to get dressed up in leashes or harnesses when I go into the backyard anymore! I'll be wearing nothing but my collar and a smile!

Ah, now life is REALLY good.

Clete Dog Detective

2008-07-05T18:05:00.000-07:00

Nobody tells me anything around here. I seem to be at the mercy of everyone else's schedule. Do they ask me when I would like to go for a walk? No! Does anyone ever inquire what I want to do during the weekend? Never!

So, I have been trying to figure out what we're doing on my own. One clue I discovered is that whenever we are going to go do something fun, Ryann covers her skin with "funscreen." I'm not exactly sure why she wants to be protected from fun, but I don't ask any questions.

Anyway, so usually when Ryann puts on the funscreen, I know I'm going to have some fun, too. However, this weekend that was not the case! Many times they put on the funscreen and left without me! One day I jumped in the car before they left and tried to talk them into taking me, but it didn't work. I'm not sure where they went, but one day they came home smelling like barbecue sauce (so rude) and the other day they came home smelling like those shiny instruments they play.

Thankfully, they finally decided to spend some time with me. One night, as we were patrolling the yard, we found our neighbor sitting in front of her house and watching the sky. We joined her and all of the sudden the sky was full of blinking lights. It was fascinating! I loved it; but I have no idea why no one needed me to fetch anything after the loud booms.

We also made another trip to the barkery and Stacy picked out a treat just for me. As you can tell, it was very good.

I'm so cute It's Dangerous

2008-06-29T20:33:00.000-07:00

Seriously - my mug should be considered a lethal weapon.

Last night, I was leading Stacy home after our usual evening patrol when a car started to back out of a driveway a few houses ahead. I'm a friendly guy - so I gave the driver my usual hello grin as we watched her back up. She gave us a nice smile back as she continued to back up....and up....and up...until she hit the car parked behind her.

All because she was entranced by my good looks.

It's hard being ogled and objectified. I only wish people would look beyond by handsome exterior to see the amazing (and modest) dog I am on the inside! Now I know how Scooby-Doo must feel.

At least the paparazzi leave me alone (if you don't count Ryann).

Change You Can Believe In - No Dog Left Outside

2008-06-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

Canine friends, I am asking you to follow me as I lead us forth into the future. It is time for a change. Too long has man's "best" friend been denied some of the fundamental rights of all citizens of this great country.

We have been denied the right to go inside.

You know I'm not talking about going indoors to see the white coat people or to get a fancy wash and dry. I'm talking about the desire that all of us with four-legs has to experience the inside world.

Keep your tails wagging because I can smell that a change is coming. Just the other day I was out with my people and we followed the usual shopping procedures. While one of them goes inside, I wait outside in complete and total ridicule with the other. As I wait patiently, it feels like every single person that walks by is looking down on me. However, I now I have a new leash on life because the most amazing event occured when we came to a new store this weekend.

We all went inside.

I was so shocked that I implemented the "skid" technique in hopes of avoiding the white coats or the dunking tank. But, as soon as I took a deep breath my world was changed forever. Not only was I allowed to enter this magical building - we were also surrounded by treats and toys made just for DOGS!

Friends - I have seen the future. A future where canines and their people can not only live together, but shop together and play together without discrimination. You, too, can experience the future. Join me if you believe in change. Follow me to Bentley's Corner Barkery and lead your people into the world as it should be.

I am Clete and I approved this post.

Family Pack

2008-06-14T21:01:00.000-07:00

A dog is only as good as his pack. Check out this family pack picture taken by a new friend at the farmer's market.

Stacy is on the left and he is awesome! He always plays with me and feeds me fun treats. We spend a lot of time together, even if most of it is spent in the small room where he talks a lot and plays with the noisy boxes. He is very good on walks and always follows me as I lead the way. What I like the best about him is that he never feels constrained by the "rules" that another member of our pack feels necessary to remind us of all the time. "Don't eat garbage." "Don't run through the house." "Don't do that in public."

Speaking of The Enforcer, Ryann is the other member of my pack. For all her rules, she always makes sure I have treats and toys in the morning when she leaves the house on Pointy Shoes Days. I know that when she wears the Pointy Shoes she won't be back for awhile. When she comes home, I always make sure to act excited to see her because I can't imagine why anyone would want to spend so much time in a place that requires Pointy Shoes.

My people love to buy me presents, which I encourage. Today, we bought a hammock that is supposed to help me stay cool during the summer. My people sure try hard, but sometimes I have to help them with their projects.

Everything usually turns out in the end, probably because we have such a great pack leader -- ME!

No Bones About It

2008-06-09T20:45:00.000-07:00

Something strange is happening in my house.

Stacy and Ryann rummaged around in one of our closets and pulled a large box and a weird shaped bag. They opened up the box and bag and pulled out shiny pieces that fit together. Never in my life have I seen what happened next - they breathed into the pieces and made sounds together! The sounds aren't pretty, but they don't make me howl like sirens do.

Yet.

Now, they can't seem to make up their minds about where they want to put these odd "instruments." Every couple of days they keep taking them out to the car, driving away, and coming back to bring them inside again. Will no one adopt these strange things? Are those odd things getting to do something fun without me?

It's hard being an only dog.

Dog Days of Summer

2008-06-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was one hot tamale, and for once I'm not talking about my looks. It was so hot that Ryann and Stacy went kayaking. Do you think they took me? Of course, not! I mean, what good would a RETRIEVER be on a lake, right? Neither of them came home smelling completely like lake water so I guess they wouldn't have needed me to retrieve them anyway.

But, I could tell they felt sorry for me because so they brought me home a huge water bowl. It was so big they had to put it in the backyard to fill it with water. I have to say, they are lousy fetch players. They kept throwing my ball into the water and then they expected me to go in after it.

How unsanitary.

Here's me with my super-sized water dish:

The Match Game

2008-06-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

I received some bad news today, folks. I was out with Stacy for my usual patrol of the neighborhood when we met up with another dog and her owner. We've meet them before, but this time we engaged in some very interesting conversations. I understand more than mere humans think. (Why else do I have these big ears?)

Anyway, this dog wanted to have my puppies! For a brief moment, my future looked bright. The very thought of getting to know this girl, settling down, and raising a family made me jump for joy! Imagine teaching little Clete Jrs. and Cletinas how to take care of their humans, roam the neighborhood, and sniff out fire hydrants!

But then, just as I was about to accept the lady's offer, I heard Stacy tell them the most embarrassing news. I can't have puppies! When did this happen? Now that I think about it, it is kind of strange that I don't remember much from when I went to the vet for my tutoring.

Well, that distressing news aside, it seems that Ryann wouldn't have supported my matrimonial dreams with the future Mrs. She said I was too young and that the "cougar" was a little gray around the muzzle.

By the way, did you know that if I had married this yellow lab our puppies could be yellow, black, or chocolate? It's like Neapolitan Labradors!

Speaking of puppies - here is a puppy picture of me!

Field Trip Fun

2008-05-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

Finally - they came up with something fun for ME to do! Thanks to my new seatbelt, I don't get left home as much anymore. For some reason, both of my people were home for three days this weekend! As much as I love them, I hope they go back to work tomorrow because I need some sleep. This weekend we were all over the place having what they called a "stay-vacation."

I think they're just cheap.

So, we took lots of long walks and also went through the Culver's drive-thru. I like it there because the flavor of the day is always a dog biscuit for me. We also went to the "farmer's market" where they bought me very yummy snacks (peanut butter of course). I'm keeping a close watch on those snacks as I am afraid Stacy is going to eat them all.

I've been missing my canine friends so I was thrilled to make some new dog friends this weekend. I met a Dalmatian who loves to play rough just like me! I also made friends with a miniature dog that I almost stepped on because he was so tiny. He knew I was boss so we got along just fine. All the people around me were oohing and ahhing and saying "Aren't they cute?" when we were getting to know each other.

I know how to work a crowd.

There was an unfortunate incident when I came across a nice older lady who came to pet me and then was surprised that I licked her face. What does she expect? I am a dog.

Another unexpected surprise - today I ate my first onion ring. Breaded and everything. I spotted it on the ground way before Stacy and Ryann and I gobbled it up before they could react. I know onions are bad for me - I just can't help it. I think I get that from Stacy.

Overall, we had a good weekend, but I am dog tired.

Doggie PT

2008-05-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it has been twelve weeks since my second knee surgery? My people have been making me do all sorts of doggie pt - figure eights, sit-stays, and even walking on hills! As soon as it gets warm enough I'll even get my own doggie pool to swim in! We've been waiting for the vet to give me the permission to run, play, and fetch. Unfortunately, my leg is still swinging out so we need to keep working and I have to wait for another month before reaching my ultimate goal - attending Yappy Hour at a local doggie day care. Here's me on one of the hills we go over on our walks. As you can see, I'm feeling pretty good!

Chew On This

2008-05-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

Let's face it. I get bored. I've got a big brain to go with this big body. I need to be stimulated! Sure, the walks are fine - but there's nothing for me to do in the house beyond play with my toys and chew on my bones! That's puppy stuff! Do I get to hold the remote? No! Do I get to choose what we watch on the TIVO? No! If only I had thumbs! (I'm using wag to text software at the moment, in case you were wondering.)

Life just isn't fair.

So, to let my people know I am bored - I recently came up with a master plan. I'll get them where it really hurts - their shoes. I know know they're important. I'm always helping Ryann find them before walks. This way I can tell them I'm bored in a way they can't ignore. Too bad the shoe supply is limited around here. I should go find those Sex in the City gals.

Speaking of my big body, I now weigh 88 pounds thanks to a controlled diet of kibble, carrots, popcorn and the occasional dill pickle randomly placed on the neighborhood sidewalks. Shoes along the road, I can understand. One of my brethren was probably telling his people something. Pickles along the sidewalk, on the other paw, I just don't understand. Good thing I'm not too picky.

Soccer Clete

2008-05-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, my owners put me into my new seatbelt and took me to my first soccer game! I had a lot of fun watching my favorite small friend run up and down the field after a ball. Too bad they wouldn't let me play!

Clete vs. Possum

2008-05-22T20:24:00.000-07:00

Last night, Stacy took me out for our nightly pre-bed outing when what should appear before my very nose? A very unwanted visitor - an opossum! I was so suprised I ran away from Stacy and came nose to nose with this ugly creature. I was frozen, wondering what to do and suddenly Ryann came across the deck, brandishing my favorite blue kong and threw it between us. It shook me from my trance but then I let the Hobbit-like animal sneak back underneath the deck. What does it think this is? The Shire? I think not.