They Call Me Mellow Yellow

People are always asking me - how do you stay so calm in this crazy, mixed-up world? With the economy taking a dive (along with my precious 401D) it is important to stay calm and relaxed.

How do I do it?

Doga.

Allow me to demonstrate with a few of my favorite poses. Do not try these at home without a trained professional to assist you. As you will see, sometimes a partner or doga hammock are necessary to achieve the full relaxing affects of each pose.

CSI Crime Scene Corpse Dog

Pancake Dog


Circle Dog

Running Dog

Sitting Boy

Chicken Stretch

Of course, I can do the Downward Dog - but it's too predictable for this blog.

The Bagels Are Back

Some of you regular readers may remember that a few months ago I had the ultimate Breakfast of Champions. It was an awesome day, one that would live on in infamy...

Until yesterday. Yesterday, we resumed patrols (finally I received my official "release" from kennel cough/Ebola induced house arrest) when to what should our wondering eyes appear - but a yard full of bagels! (Note the pumpkin in the picture for date authenticity!)

Again! Who would believe it? Not Ryann and Stacy, it seems, because once again they didn't think it was "an appropriate choice for the most important meal of the day." It didn't matter, though, because I have my own network of squirrel spies throughout the neighborhood.

Yes, you read that right. Squirrel spies. We keep up a facade of dislike that serves us both when we need unexpected allies.

So, while we returned from patrol, I signaled to the network to initiate Operation Bagel Rescue. From my observation post at the front windows of the house, I kept an eye on the progress. As squirrel squadron 1 worked to move bagels closer to the drop-off point (my mouth), we were almost forced to abort the mission.

Unexpectedly, Ryann went outside to move a car and spooked a rookie member of the squirrel force, causing him to drop the bagel from the tree right on to the sidewalk in front of her! Taken aback, she retreated inside to get her camera, which gave the rookie time to redeem himself by recapturing the bagel and hiding it in a safe spot in the rendezvous point - the neighbor's yard.

When Stacy and I went on patrol later that day, I was able to implement the final phase of the mission. Before Stacy could mount a defense, I swallowed the bagel in one mighty bite.

Mission OBR accomplished.

Quarantine

I've got the Ebola. I'm serious. E. Bo. La.

Okay, so maybe it's not Ebola. It might as well be. It all started last night when I cleared my throat to get my people's attention. It didn't work so I cleared it again and again. Soon, I was up every hour with a hacking cough! Aaack.

Really, it's not fun.

So Stacy and Ryann took me to see the White Coats. Ugh. This time we received special attention (finally, I say) and got a room right away. It might have had something to do with my Darth Vader impersonation that I began as soon as we entered the White Coat Building.

Then, in our private biolock suite, the White Coats gave us the bad news. I have become a victim of my own social life. So now, I'm in quarantine for two weeks.

No School.
No Walks.
No Fun.

What will become of me? How will I ever get a job with out my doggie school diploma?

Aaaackk. Aaaackk.

Like I said--Ebola.

Dog Spelled Backwards

Did you know that Dog spelled backwards is God? I only recently learned this amazing fact, and I decided I better find out with this "God" is all about. So, I set off to find the right church for me to learn about God and found it after a long, exhaustive search. How did I know this was the perfect church for me? Well, I knew I wanted someplace that was welcoming to all who would enter. The church I found not only had an open-door policy...

But an open-fence policy as well! I had a wonderful time exploring the grounds around the church, and I even helped make them a little more holey. I also had a short counseling session with the Pastor. He thought I was an amazing student and seemed to really enjoy our discussion.

Another clue that this church was the one for me was the fact that it offered a blended worship service. Can you believe it? A service that blends the spiritual needs of both people and canines!

Now, that IS a miracle.