Sunday, June 29, 2008

I'm so cute It's Dangerous

Seriously - my mug should be considered a lethal weapon.

Last night, I was leading Stacy home after our usual evening patrol when a car started to back out of a driveway a few houses ahead. I'm a friendly guy - so I gave the driver my usual hello grin as we watched her back up. She gave us a nice smile back as she continued to back up....and up....and up...until she hit the car parked behind her.

All because she was entranced by my good looks.

It's hard being ogled and objectified. I only wish people would look beyond by handsome exterior to see the amazing (and modest) dog I am on the inside! Now I know how Scooby-Doo must feel.

At least the paparazzi leave me alone (if you don't count Ryann).

Monday, June 23, 2008

Change You Can Believe In - No Dog Left Outside

Canine friends, I am asking you to follow me as I lead us forth into the future. It is time for a change. Too long has man's "best" friend been denied some of the fundamental rights of all citizens of this great country.

We have been denied the right to go inside.

You know I'm not talking about going indoors to see the white coat people or to get a fancy wash and dry. I'm talking about the desire that all of us with four-legs has to experience the inside world.

Keep your tails wagging because I can smell that a change is coming. Just the other day I was out with my people and we followed the usual shopping procedures. While one of them goes inside, I wait outside in complete and total ridicule with the other. As I wait patiently, it feels like every single person that walks by is looking down on me. However, I now I have a new leash on life because the most amazing event occured when we came to a new store this weekend.

We all went inside.

I was so shocked that I implemented the "skid" technique in hopes of avoiding the white coats or the dunking tank. But, as soon as I took a deep breath my world was changed forever. Not only was I allowed to enter this magical building - we were also surrounded by treats and toys made just for DOGS!

Friends - I have seen the future. A future where canines and their people can not only live together, but shop together and play together without discrimination. You, too, can experience the future. Join me if you believe in change. Follow me to Bentley's Corner Barkery and lead your people into the world as it should be.

I am Clete and I approved this post.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Family Pack

A dog is only as good as his pack. Check out this family pack picture taken by a new friend at the farmer's market.

Stacy is on the left and he is awesome! He always plays with me and feeds me fun treats. We spend a lot of time together, even if most of it is spent in the small room where he talks a lot and plays with the noisy boxes. He is very good on walks and always follows me as I lead the way. What I like the best about him is that he never feels constrained by the "rules" that another member of our pack feels necessary to remind us of all the time. "Don't eat garbage." "Don't run through the house." "Don't do that in public."

Speaking of The Enforcer, Ryann is the other member of my pack. For all her rules, she always makes sure I have treats and toys in the morning when she leaves the house on Pointy Shoes Days. I know that when she wears the Pointy Shoes she won't be back for awhile. When she comes home, I always make sure to act excited to see her because I can't imagine why anyone would want to spend so much time in a place that requires Pointy Shoes.

My people love to buy me presents, which I encourage. Today, we bought a hammock that is supposed to help me stay cool during the summer. My people sure try hard, but sometimes I have to help them with their projects.

Everything usually turns out in the end, probably because we have such a great pack leader -- ME!

Monday, June 9, 2008

No Bones About It

Something strange is happening in my house.

Stacy and Ryann rummaged around in one of our closets and pulled a large box and a weird shaped bag. They opened up the box and bag and pulled out shiny pieces that fit together. Never in my life have I seen what happened next - they breathed into the pieces and made sounds together! The sounds aren't pretty, but they don't make me howl like sirens do.


Now, they can't seem to make up their minds about where they want to put these odd "instruments." Every couple of days they keep taking them out to the car, driving away, and coming back to bring them inside again. Will no one adopt these strange things? Are those odd things getting to do something fun without me?

It's hard being an only dog.

Dog Days of Summer

This weekend I was one hot tamale, and for once I'm not talking about my looks. It was so hot that Ryann and Stacy went kayaking. Do you think they took me? Of course, not! I mean, what good would a RETRIEVER be on a lake, right? Neither of them came home smelling completely like lake water so I guess they wouldn't have needed me to retrieve them anyway.

But, I could tell they felt sorry for me because so they brought me home a huge water bowl. It was so big they had to put it in the backyard to fill it with water. I have to say, they are lousy fetch players. They kept throwing my ball into the water and then they expected me to go in after it.

How unsanitary.

Here's me with my super-sized water dish:

Sunday, June 1, 2008

The Match Game

I received some bad news today, folks. I was out with Stacy for my usual patrol of the neighborhood when we met up with another dog and her owner. We've meet them before, but this time we engaged in some very interesting conversations. I understand more than mere humans think. (Why else do I have these big ears?)

Anyway, this dog wanted to have my puppies! For a brief moment, my future looked bright. The very thought of getting to know this girl, settling down, and raising a family made me jump for joy! Imagine teaching little Clete Jrs. and Cletinas how to take care of their humans, roam the neighborhood, and sniff out fire hydrants!

But then, just as I was about to accept the lady's offer, I heard Stacy tell them the most embarrassing news. I can't have puppies! When did this happen? Now that I think about it, it is kind of strange that I don't remember much from when I went to the vet for my tutoring.

Well, that distressing news aside, it seems that Ryann wouldn't have supported my matrimonial dreams with the future Mrs. She said I was too young and that the "cougar" was a little gray around the muzzle.

By the way, did you know that if I had married this yellow lab our puppies could be yellow, black, or chocolate? It's like Neapolitan Labradors!

Speaking of puppies - here is a puppy picture of me!